The Comparison Curse
In the past I was always too afraid to show people the real me. I felt like an impostor wearing a mask, fearful of expressing my true self. The fear stemmed from a feeling of never being good enough.
When I let go my fears and began to express the real me, my confidence increased, people responded to me differently, I was even complimented on my authenticity.
It was like switching on a light bulb, when I was brave enough to be my true self the whole room lit up. I learnt that through being me and loving myself I was sharing my light with others; this gave those around me permission to do the same.
Shows like “The Voice” are a great example of seeing someone follow their passion and reach for the stars. There’s something exciting about watching people open up and express their true selves, it naturally inspires us to do the same.
There's a famous quote by Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
A lot of fear, doubt and the sense I wasn't good enough, infiltrated my life due to comparisons.
Comparisons are a curse and a joy killer.
Comparisons had an impact on how I saw myself, there was a constant need to measure up. It left me feeling guilty because I was always making myself feel better or worse than someone else.
Comparisons are like being on a seesaw, you’re either below or above someone else. The seesaw only exists in our minds and when we become conscious of our comparing mind, we can let go of the judgement this creates.
A while ago there was a woman on my social media feed who wore so much makeup it made me think of her a fake and inauthentic. (Side note interestingly this was a self-projection based on my own feelings of being an imposter). This judgement stuck with me and I decided to reach out to send a positive message to counteract my negative thoughts.
I wrote to this woman and said, “I hope you’re well I was just thinking of you after seeing one of your posts and wanted to let you know it’s awesome how confident you are.” I received a beautiful reply and it made me realise how awful it feels to judge someone negatively and how wonderful it feels to change my perception to something good which resulted in me giving a compliment and her graciously accepting it.
I sent her gratitude for unknowingly teaching me a lesson and I forgave myself for judging.
I’ve learnt that forgiveness is the key to happiness. The first step to forgiveness is willingness. Forgiveness is not about tolerating or ignoring bad behaviour or restoring toxic relationships.
Forgiveness is the internal process of letting go. Forgiveness of yourself and others leads to profound healing. Heart healing enables you to feel more love, peace and freedom.
Join me on Saturday July 4 at 9am for my next free webinar and discover how forgiveness can bring more happiness to your life.
What is self-love?
I used to think self-love was bubble baths, beauty salons and naughty desserts. Now I see that these are wonderful ways to pamper yourself however I've discovered that true self-love is having a positive internal dialogue.
I’ve read in countless books about how our thoughts and feelings affect our actions. I just didn’t know how to control my thoughts and feelings. It was as if there was a negative nagging train going around in my head, telling me all the reasons why I wasn’t good enough or worthy.
At one point I was sick of the noise and wanted it all to stop, I prayed for a miracle and suddenly I was led like Alice down the rabbit hole.
Like the moon we can only see it from our perspective, even at its fullest we’re only seeing half of it. I want to share with you that instead of trying to control our thoughts and feeling we can see them from a different perspective, I consider this a miracle.
Freedom from Guilt
What do you feel guilty about?
It could be little things like having cake for breakfast? Or bigger things forgetting to pick your child up from dance for 2 hours, telling your injured child their foot will be better in the morning but turns out it was broken in 3 places. I’ve done all of these things and much worse…
As a mother guilt seems constant, it’s the feeling that no matter what you do for your family it’s never enough. You don’t have to be a mum to feel that life is some kind of juggling act with work, paying the bills, cleaning the house, eating healthy food, exercising.
There’s this constant sense of guilt that we’re not keeping up with all our roles and responsibilities.
Guilt masks itself in other ways too like, feeling responsible for situations or people’s actions that are out of your control.
The guilt where our actions have caused someone pain, is probably one of the hardest to let go of.
Sometimes there's an underlying feeling you’re guilty even when you're innocent. Like when you're driving and see a police car behind you, suddenly you feel guilty but haven't done anything wrong.
Holding onto negative feelings such as guilt is like injuring yourself and not giving your body time to heal.
Recently I sprained my ankle, in the past I would’ve pushed through, had some pain killers and pretended nothing was wrong. Like the time I refused to go to the doctor for back pain. After a couple of weeks, it got to the point where I could barely stand, reluctantly I went to the GP and was sent straight to the hospital where I was admitted for the next 3 days with a severe kidney infection.
This time with my injured ankle, I rested, I felt the frustration, the guilt and I let it go.
When emotions build up it’s like internal storm, our perception can become so clouded that we act irrationally.
When we give ourselves permission to feel our feelings, we can respond instead of react. In turn we can gain a different perspective on what is really happening.
There are heaps of techniques to help us move through emotions such as EFT which a tapping sequence, I really enjoy Brad Yates YouTube tutorials.
There's another technique I enjoy called focusing. It's a simple 6 step process that helps you to become the witness of your emotions. I've found I can move through my feelings quickly and know the right course of action.
You can go through the exercise with me in the above video or read more about the Focusing technique here.
The greatest gift you can give yourself is time. Time to heal, forgive, nurture and love yourself.
Finding Forgiveness Webinar
Join me for my Free Finding Forgiveness webinar and discover how forgiveness can change your life.
Forgiveness = Freedom
Forgiveness = Love
Forgiveness = Peace
9am | Saturday | July 4
Recently I stood on the scale for the first time in years, I was shocked at the number. To begin with I was really disappointed and depressed. Then I was motivated to become conscious of how I was treating my body.
Over the past few years I’ve definitely been ‘treating’ my body to all sorts of delicious food, good tasting wine and lots of time spent relaxing. This indulgent way of life had an implication on the fit of my clothing and how I felt when I looked into the mirror.
As a little girl one of my favourite books was Alice In Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. I loved the idea of being able to become larger or smaller and being able to talk to plants and animals.
In chapter 5 Alice meets a caterpillar.
‘Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar.
Alice replied, ‘I hardly know, sir, just at present—at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.'
Every woman deserves to feel beautiful and sexy.
If you’re in a long-term relationship the spark can dim a little over time, to relight the flame the quest is not about impressing the other person. The best thing you can do is love and appreciate you, the most attractive and magnetising people radiate joy and happiness.
You don’t have to be in a relationship to make yourself feel special. If you’re wanting to attract the perfect partner, do things that make you feel sexy and confident. As they say like attracts like so if your exuding sensuality, you’ll attract sensuality.
Beauty is an experience and sexy doesn’t have to be provocative, you can evoke sexiness through the scent of a perfume, the feel of fabric or the allure of a colour.
Here are five ways to express your sexy side for a sensory overload.
Is your wardrobe stuck in a previous decade?
As we enter a new decade it's fascinating to ponder styles that influenced us in previous decades. As they say what goes around, comes around and even with fashion that’s the way the story goes.
In fact, fashion history repeats itself every 7-10 years. For example, a peplum (gathered fabric at the hip that creates a frill effect) dates back to ancient Greece but it made a comeback in the 50s and has been in and out of fashion since. Another reinvented fashion trend, tie-dyed fabric was made popular in the 60s had a return in the 90s.
We all have a tendency to reminisce about the past. This reminds me of a South Park episode, where all the people are given "Member Berries" to eat so they can become nostalgic and remember another time. This puts the characters into a hypnotic state, so they are not living in the present and don't notice all the things going on around them.
This is so true in life, we often reflect about when we were younger, skinner and maybe trendier. This is reflected in our wardrobes, we keep clothing that we've outgrown physically, emotionally and spiritually. As we head into a new decade it’s the perfect time to review and renew your wardrobe, so it reflects who you are in this present moment.
Below is a snapshot of how we’re being influenced from previous decades and how to introduce these rejuvenated looks into your 2020 wardrobe.
Printed pants are a great way to add flair to your wardrobe, pair with a block colour top and simple accessories.
Jeans are my go to wardrobe item, I love that they are so versatile and can be worn in so many different ways. You can change the look from casual with flats to dressy with heels.